Cold
by o-Just-an-Illusion-o
Summary: Why does loving you hurt? Why do I make you hurt? Is there any salvation for us, two people with frozen hearts? / Laven oneshot written by o-Blade-o and ExplicitlySilent


**Co-written by me and ExplicitlySilent, aka:Red-Allen-Walker from Tumblr~ Go check their blog out, they are the -imeanwhat-**

**She wrote Allen and I wrote Lavi~!**

**D. Gray-Man doesn't belong to either of us... At least, I don't think so...?**

**Anyway, enjoy~**

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A walk through the park. That's all they wanted. That's all they ever wanted, just to spend time together. One is as pale as the snow falling around them, the other sticking out like a sore thumb. But maybe that's why they're together, the contrast of a splash of red on a white canvas makes that much of a difference.

"Lavi... Do you love anyone?" Allen inquires, uncertainly. He's afraid of breaking the silence for something that seems so trivial.

Without even hesitating, the Lavi answers "I love you, silly!"

"Is... that so?" Allen said as a small forced smile curled on his lips. "Are you sure about that?"

"Yeah, I'm sure!" the rabbit replies, grinning widely with both of his eyes closed, even though only one was visible. "Totally sure!"

"A...Alright…" the white-haired boy nods, and his expression growing somewhat sad as he averts his gaze from Lavi.

"Eh...? What's wrong?" Lavi tilts his head to the side, watching the boy with a growing sense of dread pooling in his chest.

"No, nothing... Nothing at all." He casts another forced smile towards his companion, horribly attempting to hide his true emotion.

Uncertainly, the redhead takes a slow step back, forcing himself to keep on smiling. "Are you sure, Allen-chan? You can tell me if you need to get something off your chest." he says. _Don't tell me, please. I don't know if I want to know._

"No, no. Like I said... It's alright..." Allen wonders why the redhead had taken a slow step back. In response, he takes a few steps back as well. "I... really... need to go now... I'm sorry..."

"A- alright, then!" Lavi waves half-heartedly, still smiling. _Bookmen don't have feelings, Bookmen don't care for others_, he whispers to himself. "See you around!"

_Bookmen don't love._

"R- Right..." Allen turns, taking a step forward, beginning to take steps away from Lavi. As he walks forward, he feels tears spill out of his silver orbs. He shakes his head, taking his slow pace to a faster pace, beginning to run.

Turning his head, he refuses to watch as Allen runs. Because he knows he's running, even though the snow muffles his pounding footsteps. He rubs the back of his neck and sighs, dropping the mask. The look on his face could rival that of a stone carving because, really, that's all he is. And always will be: a stone carving doomed to watch the world around him fall to ruins and be the only one left to face the dawn.

As he had finally reaches out of Lavi's sight, Allen slows down his steps, soon coming to a pause and he feels more tears trickle down his cheek. He shakes his head, unable to demand himself for the tears to stop.

"I... want to believe to say that his words his true... but... I know I can't trust them... because they can't be true..." He clutched his chest, as the pain had grown intense as his cries had been kept silent as possible. "Lavi..." He called out his name in a soft whisper.

Finally opening his eyes again, Lavi stares at the place where Allen was, pain in his eyes. "Damnit, Moyashi, you're making me break the rules." he mutters, feeling regret flare in his cheat at the spiteful remark. Chuckling painfully, he walks in the snowy footprints.

"I don't care if you don't believe me; it'll never change how I feel for you, Allen-chan." The cold bites at him through the uniform, yet another thing that isn't supposed to mean anything. Another thing that seeps through the cracks in the rock and slowly break the statue to pieces. _Why, old timer, did you have to bring us here? How do you expect me to turn back now?_

Allen stands in his place, not moving a milometer. He had continued to cry, letting words of harsh lies fill his heart. He falls to his knees, letting the cold sheets of white melt through the fabric of his pants, and he buries his face in the palm of his hands as the silent continue. How long was this pain going to last? Why did it hurt so much? The harsh cold doesnn't even compare to the pain that stabs through his heart. He knows he loves Lavi, he knows that he wouldn't have accepted him. He wonders, why did he have to fall in love? He wasn't aware that his first love was this ...painful. "..Lavi..."

There he is. Lavi stares at the boy's back, not daring to even breathe. The pristine white snow can't even compare to the silver halo of his little broken angel. As much as it pains him to even think so, Lavi knows Allen isn't... right. He has cracks and flaws and his entire life was basically fucked over; but isn't everyone like that, in the end? No matter where you look, everyone is broken, some just more than others.

"A- Allen..." Lavi winces at how hollow his own voice sounds, but it doesn't matter. The wind picks up his words and tosses them into the darkening sky. His little angel doesn't move, and neither does he. Just two separate beings, suffering a cold more painful than the winter.

Allen immediately turns to the hollow voice that had called out his name. He reveals puffy eyes, as the silver orbs had grown wide, in wonder of why Lavi had followed him here. "L-Lavi..." He unintentionally calls out to the other, building himself up from the ground, forcing a smile, as if nothing had happened.

"I thought you went somewhere else..? Why did you follow me?" He asks, as he turns his head, his orbs focusing on the sheets of white, and he feels the stream of tears beginning once more. The crisp wind blows, but he pays no heed to it. Is there even a reason to bother with the unnecessary pain of cold that bites him? ... Or would he rather forget about the pain he had been given through his feelings..?

Shocked that the other heard him, Lavi scrambles to amend his obvious blunder. Like an elastic band snapping, Allen's forced smile was back. He was good at it, too. Damn that kid. With a smile just as fake, the redhead turns his head and looks away, pretending to be embarrassed.

"I, uh, just wanted to ask you something." No, no, no, that's now that he wanted to say. He turns back toward the boy, not surprised to find he, too, has looked away.

"You always ask me who I love," stop talking, goddamnit. "So now, I want to know." you're digging your own grave, Bookman junior. "Who is it that you love?"

The scenery blurs violently, and the faint light catches in his eyes. Gramps be damned if Lavi ever admits he let those tears fall.

"Ask me something...? What do you want to know..?" Allen asks as he waits, not quite anticipating the redhead's question. '_... Who do I love...?'_ He opens his mouth to say something but he had took a moment thought unable to answer.

"Well... I..." He begins to grow hesitant towards his own answer. He drops his head as the saddening eyes had returned once more, before deciding on his answer.

"I... love you of course." The white-haired wonders why that had sounded like a lie... It wasn't meant to be a lie. He loves Lavi... So very much... He loves everything about him. He loves for who he was... But was that all fake..? Was it all pretend..? He didn't know... But he loves that loving side of Lavi... He had grown attached to what couldn't even be deemed as fake or real.

"..I really love you…"

Lavi's heart clenches and he shuts his eyes. Cold streaks run down his face, but he ignores them. "I... I love you too." he states, but it comes out empty and robotic. It sounds just like the lie his little broken angel just told. But then, who was he to deem what was reality and what was a lie? After all, they were both just ink on paper, weren't they? "So much..."

Allen slightly clenches his fists as he takes a step forward, approaching the redhead as the forced smile remains.

"Sometimes... I don't know what you're thinking about- Actually... I think it's always hard to know what you're thinking about... I can't believe when you're telling the truth or not... but right now... It's because... You're a Bookman right..? I know you can't bother yourself with feelings such as this..." He bites his bottom lip before continuing. "Even if it hurts... Even if I cry... It's alright..."

Lavi had never lost his smile so fast in his entire life. He takes a step back, not even hesitating. "N- No." he mutters, blinking his tears away so he could see Allen better. "I mean, yes! I'm a Bookman, but I've only ever told you the truth! We... We're not allowed to feel, to care... to love..." he trails off.

"But I don't care about that. I won't stop loving you because I'm a Bookman." he whispers. "And because I love you... I don't want to hurt you anymore. You don't deserve to cry over a poor bastard like me."

With a bitter smile, Lavi looks down at his feet and clenches his fists, knowing that his next words will end him. "I know you love me, and I know you know I love you. Please... Just once... believe me... I love you, and I'm sorry."

He turns to run.

Allen starts trembling as he reaches out, gently grabbing Lavi's arm. "I- It's alright... if you hurt me. It's alright if I cry... Like I said, it's alright! Just... don't leave me. I love you..." He pulls Lavi into a hug, letting the tears trickle down his cheeks once more.

"It's alright... I believe you..." He buries his head in the other's chest, his sobs growing visible. "It's alright if you're a Bookman… As long you're Lavi, everything is alright..." He knows that, deep down, he wasn't alright with it, but if that was what it takes to keep him here... Then it's alright.

"Lavi...I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm really sorry... I must've hurt you too right..? I'm sorry... You don't have to worry about me... I don't want to hurt you anymore... But please... don't leave..."

"No, Allen." Lavi sighs, feeling his little broken angel's fragile shoulders shake with each breath he takes. "It's not okay. People aren't supposed to hurt the people they love, and I've done exactly that." He takes in a shuddering breath, himself. "I'll always be 'Lavi' for you, if you want me to, but that doesn't make it alright..."

"Don't apologize, love. I'm not supposed to feel hurt, remember?" the redhead chuckles hollowly at his own 'joke'. "I'll never leave you. I'll be right with you, 'til the bitter end. 'Til death do us part, eh, Moyashi-chan~?"

"...Lavi.. Please... Tell me how you really feel... about your pain... I know caused you pain... so please..." Allen pulls away just slightly but not enough to break the hug. He lifted his head, his orbs focusing towards the redhead.

"Tell me everything. I don't care if this means breaking the rules or such… Just tell me please. It hurts seeing you endure pain, just because of your role…" he sobs. "This isn't right… You shouldn't be suffering. I wish... I had taken on that pain instead of you... But I know I can't do that... So... please tell me..?"

"I'm fine, Allen." Lavi smiles weakly, looking down at him. "You don't need to listen to any of my ramblings, now, come on! You're the only rule I've ever broken, ever, so I think the Bookman clan can forgive my sins." he laughs, sounding kind of fake.

"But it also hurts me to see you in pain." he sighs. "I'll be fine; I've been fine for my whole life. You... You shouldn't suffer because I suffer. It doesn't suit you. You should smile, and be happy. I'm not just a Bookman, I'm an Exorcist, remember? We share pains that are very similar. We can carry our burdens alongside eachother."

Allen stares at the redhead, not quite satisfied with this answer, he leans back into the hug, knowing that this was just alright. "You... should learn how to smile more naturally..." He softly whispers as the final tears trickle down his cheeks. "It hurts seeing you fake it sometimes… So, don't suffer alone... even if it is your own problems... I still want to help you... I really love you..." He closed his eyes, noticing how warm it had felt just to be beside Lavi. "...Lavi..."

Lavi closes his eyes and smiles, sighing again. "And you need to learn to smile for real." He counters, leaning his chin on the crown of Allen's head. Using the corner of his scarf to wipe both of their eyes, he soothes the boy's sobs. "Its fine, love, aren't we both kinda fake, anyway? I won't suffer alone, and neither will you. I'm staying right here, and you're free to join me. Allen... I really love you, too."

With a flourish, the redhead wraps his scarf around both of their shoulders_. Yeah, I'm staying for sure_, he thinks to himself, smiling wider. _It may just be an illusion, but the cold seems just a bit less... cold._

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**So, what'd'ya think! Good, awesome, awful, don't ever write again you sick mothers...? Let us (me...) know! ^^**

**~ Jai  
**

**((P.s. My own Tumblr RP blog is KeeperOfHistory, in case you ever wonder~))**


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